I got the "S" ripped off my chest today. Mom FAIL?

I need my son to learn how to put a jacket on by himself and put it on a hanger. He goes to a Montessori school, so they demand early independence in children. Everything in the classroom, including the coat rack is kid-sized, and the students are required to take care of themselves and get to work, unassisted, when they enter the classroom.

Zee will be four years old in a few weeks. So far, that knowledge has been enough to encourage him to read more. He's sounding words out left and right. The first time he actually read a word I had written out, I shed two tears inside and praised baby Jesus. He's been talking since before he was two and, although I had hoped he'd be a genius baby and reading by the age of 3, I resisted the urge to buy My Baby Can Read and worked with him the old-fashioned way and it's finally happening!  I'm breaking new books out on him so he can't pretend that he's reading, when he's really just reciting from memory. He totally got away with that for a minute—gave his own self away with the little sly grin on his face as he waited for my high-five after pretending he had read something. Knowing that he will be turning four soon, or in his words, "Becoming a big four year old" has also encouraged him to insist on doing other things for himself, like plugging in the iPod Touch to charge it after he's done playing Spore Origins, picking his own afro, and "reading" more often during his quiet time at home. He is becoming a big boy in so many ways, but in many ways, he is still just an almost four year old.

Today, his teacher told me that he put his jacket on backward and then asked me why he can't put his jacket on properly. I was put off by her question, because the obvious answer is that he hasn't learned to do it yet, and I felt like her question was more like 'Why haven't you taught him to put on his jacket properly?' My answer was, "I'm excited to hear that he got both arms in! That's progress!" Then I gave him a high five, and he was excited to go home and try again after his nap. What I wanted to say was, "He's been taking off his jacket here for two and a half years, why doesn't he know how to put it on the hanger yet?" I'm annoyed by her question, but I'm trying to not let it eat at me, which is kinda why I'm bothering you guys with this whole story. Just writing it is cathartic. He goes to an awesome school, and his teacher is amazing. But her question today threw me. I'm fighting the urge to do dress-drills with my son until he gets his jacket on right this afternoon, so I won't ever have to hear about that damn jacket and hangar again. But I'm not going to disturb his chakras by drilling him like that...and it would be a drill, because I have upset myself over this and my energy just wouldn't be right.

I think I'm an awesome mom. With my son sounding out words and whatnot, I feel quite like a Super Mom. That teacher's question today totally deflated me. Maybe I'm just highly emo today and am reading way more into her words than I should. It happens. About once a month. For that reason, I won't let it color my opinion of his teacher in any way. I think she's awesome. I know that ultimately, we both want the same thing for Zack—to be confident, self-directed, self-motivated and self-controlled at school and in life. Still, I think it might be time for us to have a  little sit-down. Obviously she has some questions, and obviously, I have some too.

Between you and me, I think if my boy communicated more like an average three year old and less like a six year-old, he'd totally get a pass for being a little slow to learn to put on a jacket, but it's cool. Could be worse. I can live with higher expectations for my boy. It's actually great training for him and for me too. Raising this little brown boy to grow up and live in this country, we're both going to have to learn to deal with higher expectations  every step of the way and be ready to exceed them every time. It's gonna be a long road too…it's just a jacket and I'm in blog-therapy over it! Ay, dios mio!

P.S. Should my almost four year old know how to put on a jacket by now? Have I failed at motherhood in some way? I need to know. 

Comments

[D]

The fact that he put both arms in his coat with no help is magical. He has to put on his coat, it takes more work to turn it inside out, especially for a 4-year-old. Most likely when he was taking it off he pulled the sleeves all the way through.
I work with young children and did my student teaching at a gifted and talented school in a kindergarten class. These students had a thirst for learning, some were excellent readers, some brilliant mathematicians, but not one of them could put their jackets on by themselves, let alone turn it inside out. You have nothing to worry about.

[Quel]

Thanks, D! Your comments and those I received on Facebook have done me a world of good. I'm working so hard, heck I quit my job so I won't have the kid with the issues at school. I tend to take every criticism personally, because raising him, is what I do. lol Thanks so much for your feedback.