I have been dropping him off at school for two weeks. Dropped him off for a two month period at a home daycare earlier this year. Didn't cry once. The difference between all those other times and today is that I didn't help him out of the car, hold his hand and walk him to his classroom. His new school is a strict Montessori school, which means that they stress detaching and independence blahblahblah. lol Parents are allowed to walk kids in for the first two weeks. After that we have to stall the car at the sidewalk as teachers and assistants do the honors. Of course my kid was fine. On the way there I had explained to him that mommy wouldn't go inside with him this time. Told him that Ms. Teacher Assistant was going to help him out of the car and that he would say bye-bye to mommy and go inside with the T.A. He said, "Ok."
When we pulled up, Ms. T.A. opened his door and they exchanged morning pleasantries. Another assistant opened the passenger side door and grabbed the nap mat, lunch box, diapers and clothes for the week. He sang a quick "bye-bye mama" from the sidewalk before both doors closed at about the same time. I moved my car up a bit and stopped at the end of the driveway to watch him enter the school with the two women. At first I used the rear view mirror, but then just like in the sappy first day of school commercials, I turned around in the car to watch him with my own eyes. His shoe had come off when Ms. T.A. took him out of the car. She helped him put it back on, held his hand and they all disappeared through the gates of the school. Tears.
I cried for about 5 minutes--about the length of my drive back home. When I told my husband what happened, all teary and emotional and feeling kinda silly, I asked him, "Why do women do that?" He said that's how God made women...moms...and that I shouldn't beat myself up about it. It is what it is. I'm not embarrassed or anything, just didn't expect to get emotional like that. I think him getting out and starting his day there without me just symbolized him not needing me as much anymore. I know he still needs me, I mean duh, but I really had a moment when he disappeared behind those gates without me.
I do get to go to his classroom to pick him up though. So I guess now I'll appreciate that moment more--when he's elated to see me and calls out to me and gestures to be picked up and hugged. As a stay at home mom, I don't get many of those moments. The boy saves up all that excitement for daddy when he gets home from work everyday. So now I get to be missed a bit too...get some of that extra loving in the afternoon. I make no apologies for my big mom-ego. :-D
I know, Quel. You just love like that. Love
Posted by: Carolyn | July 07, 2010 at 09:38 PM